For the last three months, I have been forced to share my home with mice which makes me very thankful to be moved into a new place. I never would have predicted how low my tolerance level for mice actually is. I hate mice. I have been transformed into a girly mess over these rodents. Spiders are fine, box elder bugs are fine, I would even prefer a Rabies-infected bat! (I also really hate those house centipedes that are super speedy and come out of drains! eew!) Mice are not easy to get rid of and the poop EVERYWHERE! It is very disconcerting to know where the mice has been by their excessive excrement. As I prepare to move, I feel almost like I have lost to the mice.
I have seen mice in two other houses where I was sleeping; both were ex-boyfriends' homes when they were there too. Hearing and seeing a mouse when in the presence of a man was completely different to finding them on my own. I have tried to reflect on this difference and really hope it is not about having a big strong man to protect me. The two mice seen with boyfriends were only seen once by me, and seemed to stay in areas I was not about to sleep. I did boot-up when I saw one in the kitchen where I had been cooking barefoot, but I then proceeded to sleep on the mattress on the floor 10 feet away from the kitchen door. Having arms around me did not hurt too of course.
I first discovered definite mousage problems when I had just returned from Europe this summer. There had been a brief suspicion earlier, after some dirt mysteriously jumped out of a potted plant, twice, but without any other evidence. I was home alone, at night, sitting in my comfy chair watching something on my computer, when I heard a crinkle of plastic on my art table. The fan may have been on, so I thought nothing of it. However, your brain can somehow tell when something is not correlated...and this noise was not caused by the fan. I went to investigate if a box elder bug had landed on something. I picked up a box to move it, and a mouse leaped out and ran across the floor! Talk about a surprise! I squealed and probably ran away or did a little dance!
In my bedroom, one door over, I sat on the bed heart thumping. There was more light in this room and I was clearly there, but nonetheless a mouse or the same one decided to run into my room from the other room. I squealed again, and I like to think the mouse squeaked in response, and ran back the way it had come! This was not pleasant, not exciting at all. We were as far from the kitchen as possible and I was not happy to think about going to sleep that night.
I woke up three times that night hearing mice and worrying about mice. It was not enjoyable trust me. Mice are cute when they are pets for some reason, but little lightening bolts of fur streaking across the floor where your bare feet just were is eerie. I ever since worn shoes or heavy slippers when walking anywhere in my house. Besides the thought of little claws digging into my flesh as a mouse sought refuge in my pant leg, I did not want to step on any carcasses when we put out the poison that made them drop dead anywhere. Finding dead mice made me scream just as much as seeing a living one!
How I missed a man during these mousy months! I wanted to surrender into a man's arms, relinquishing my tough shell to fully expose the gooey girly core. But alas, I was -am- single. I have survived the mouse house and (fingers crossed) have not brought any stowaways along with me. I now reside in a sweet bachelorette-pad near downtown Minneapolis. It is as if I have moved to a Midwestern New York City neighborhood. Living in an apartment is quite a change from the homey family-friendly neighborhood where I left, and I hope to become a person worthy of this younger-, hipper-, and much more appropriate-apartment. I raise my paper cup of lemonade to my new adventure...and now to find my drink glasses...
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Book Review: Have Him at Hello by Rachel Greenwald
As I have mentioned, I have been reading dating advice books lately. Before I begin to share my thoughts on them, I want to issue a disclaimer.
Disclaimer:
I do not believe any book has all the answers to help anyone get a boyfriend/girlfriend and I do not recognize any author as a true authority whom I must obey. I read these books as a form of meditation on the issues I have, and I use them only to help direct my self-analysis.
Title: Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 guys about what makes them fall in love...or never cal back
Author: Rachel Greenwald
Three reasons women think are why men do not call:
1) Timing -not ready for a relationship
2) Fear -of being hurt again
3) Why bother? -perceived her disinterest and decided not to pursue a lost cause
The author researched why men actually did not call a woman back after a first date. The top ten reasons describe how their date was too much like:
1) a Boss Lady, someone who acted too dominant, which appears controlling, unfeminine, and competitive
2) the Blahs, someone who is just generally boring, hard to engage and unopinionated
3) a Bait and Switcher, someone who creates a false impression of themselves in order to get asked out
4) a Park Avenue Princess, someone seen as high-maintenance or overly concerned with money/things
5) a Closer, someone overly focused on obtaining a boyfriend, husband or child, which seems needy
6) a Flasher, someone who reveals a lot of negative personal information and baggage right away
7) a Bitch-in-Boots, someone who just seems mean, acting rude towards her date or a third-party
8) a Debbie Downer, someone who constantly complains or is generally bitter and cynical
9) an Ex-Factor, someone who talks too much about her ex-boyfriend/ex-husband
10) a One-way Street, someone who dominates the date and acts self-absorbed
For each of the above unattractive perceptions, the author describes the behavior, quotes many different men, then provides a checklist for the reader to see if she may be seen this way. The last part of each section covers ways to counter the perception proactively, by doing other things instead. Thankfully, I do not believe I fell into every category, but using the checklist I was able to identify a few areas where I can improve.
Although, I consider myself independent and able to accomplish things, I am by no means a Boss Lady. Since I am not exactly where I want to be in my life jobwise, I have no identifying ties to my title. Without any vanity, I am happy to say I am not the Blahs, a Bait and Switcher or a Park Avenue Princess either! I thought it was possible I could be the Closer, or the Flasher or the Ex-Factor because I have, contrary to all advice from everyone, done whatever I wanted on a first date thinking honesty was the best thing. So I have been attracted to someone's marriage potential and revealed some baggage...about an ex-relationship too soon. But I did not quite fit into any of these top personae. So I read on.
I, also, did not meet the criteria for the next five date-breaker issues which were so interesting the author felt she had to include them. I was not (11) a Seinfeld, someone with a particular quirk that didn't sit right with the man (e.g. eating your peas one at a time ala one of Jerry's girlfriends), (12) a Never-Ever, someone who make an absolute statement about having kids or something else of importance to the man, (13) a Birds-of-a-Feather, someone on whom friends or family negatively reflects based on simple association, (14) a Psychobabbler, someone who spews too much therapy-inspired language, nor (15) a Wino (no explanation necessary).
This book was fast becoming wast of my time, so I had to flip through the rest to find something more interesting. I turned doubtfully to the next section on post-date problems that cause a man to lose interest. Part of me screamed, "I am bot even having FIRST dates, let alone SECOND!! Where is the book for me?!!" This section offered me better insight surprisingly. The top five reasons the connection is dropped after a first date are very similar to the first meet, at least for me. I manage to blow a first meeting and never even get to a first date, even when their were sparks! I think I am just bad at fanning the flames without putting them out completely! Sigh.
Five post-date-breakers:
1) The Sadie Hawkins, someone who pursues a man too hard herself before the man has had any fun chasing her
2) The Flame-Out, a relationship that begins with intense emotional or physical intimacy, but it was too much, too soon
3) The Busy Bee, someone who has too many other commitments to make a second date or seems too popular in general during the first date
4) The R U 4 Real, someone who gives a bad impression through electronic communication, either through a confusing message, poor spelling or inexplicable silence
5) The Tailspin, someone who gets so upset about how long it takes a man to call her back, that when he does she acts aloof
I am, unmistakably, a Sadie Hawkins...sigh...sigh...sigh. I do not want to sit on my hands just to let the men have all the fun of the chase! Why must women always make sacrifices of their own happiness for that of men?! (Ok, I fully acknowledge that hyperbolic statement is inaccurate, but let me please artistically express myself.) Sadie Hawkins was a character in a satirical comic of Li'l Abner who literally chased men in a race held by her father for her to find a husband. Modern women are doing more and more on par with men, but it makes me ill when I contemplate letting men chase me and being the object of the chase. I may be incapable of preventing myself from chasing something (anything) I want. The world should be thankful I have not truly wanted the moon!
Men, do you know how hard it is to flirt with a man but then not pursue him? Do you realize that make-up and clothes are our plumage which is flaunted just to catch your eye and make you come a running? (And do you realize how rarely it works?) I have been going to bars looking smashing and yet to find someone who is truly interested in approaching me to ask for my number. Maybe I just have to wear this one red dress that caused quite a stir last summer...hmmm....who cares if it is winter?
Disclaimer:
I do not believe any book has all the answers to help anyone get a boyfriend/girlfriend and I do not recognize any author as a true authority whom I must obey. I read these books as a form of meditation on the issues I have, and I use them only to help direct my self-analysis.
Title: Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 guys about what makes them fall in love...or never cal back
Author: Rachel Greenwald
Three reasons women think are why men do not call:
1) Timing -not ready for a relationship
2) Fear -of being hurt again
3) Why bother? -perceived her disinterest and decided not to pursue a lost cause
The author researched why men actually did not call a woman back after a first date. The top ten reasons describe how their date was too much like:
1) a Boss Lady, someone who acted too dominant, which appears controlling, unfeminine, and competitive
2) the Blahs, someone who is just generally boring, hard to engage and unopinionated
3) a Bait and Switcher, someone who creates a false impression of themselves in order to get asked out
4) a Park Avenue Princess, someone seen as high-maintenance or overly concerned with money/things
5) a Closer, someone overly focused on obtaining a boyfriend, husband or child, which seems needy
6) a Flasher, someone who reveals a lot of negative personal information and baggage right away
7) a Bitch-in-Boots, someone who just seems mean, acting rude towards her date or a third-party
8) a Debbie Downer, someone who constantly complains or is generally bitter and cynical
9) an Ex-Factor, someone who talks too much about her ex-boyfriend/ex-husband
10) a One-way Street, someone who dominates the date and acts self-absorbed
For each of the above unattractive perceptions, the author describes the behavior, quotes many different men, then provides a checklist for the reader to see if she may be seen this way. The last part of each section covers ways to counter the perception proactively, by doing other things instead. Thankfully, I do not believe I fell into every category, but using the checklist I was able to identify a few areas where I can improve.
Although, I consider myself independent and able to accomplish things, I am by no means a Boss Lady. Since I am not exactly where I want to be in my life jobwise, I have no identifying ties to my title. Without any vanity, I am happy to say I am not the Blahs, a Bait and Switcher or a Park Avenue Princess either! I thought it was possible I could be the Closer, or the Flasher or the Ex-Factor because I have, contrary to all advice from everyone, done whatever I wanted on a first date thinking honesty was the best thing. So I have been attracted to someone's marriage potential and revealed some baggage...about an ex-relationship too soon. But I did not quite fit into any of these top personae. So I read on.
I, also, did not meet the criteria for the next five date-breaker issues which were so interesting the author felt she had to include them. I was not (11) a Seinfeld, someone with a particular quirk that didn't sit right with the man (e.g. eating your peas one at a time ala one of Jerry's girlfriends), (12) a Never-Ever, someone who make an absolute statement about having kids or something else of importance to the man, (13) a Birds-of-a-Feather, someone on whom friends or family negatively reflects based on simple association, (14) a Psychobabbler, someone who spews too much therapy-inspired language, nor (15) a Wino (no explanation necessary).
This book was fast becoming wast of my time, so I had to flip through the rest to find something more interesting. I turned doubtfully to the next section on post-date problems that cause a man to lose interest. Part of me screamed, "I am bot even having FIRST dates, let alone SECOND!! Where is the book for me?!!" This section offered me better insight surprisingly. The top five reasons the connection is dropped after a first date are very similar to the first meet, at least for me. I manage to blow a first meeting and never even get to a first date, even when their were sparks! I think I am just bad at fanning the flames without putting them out completely! Sigh.
Five post-date-breakers:
1) The Sadie Hawkins, someone who pursues a man too hard herself before the man has had any fun chasing her
2) The Flame-Out, a relationship that begins with intense emotional or physical intimacy, but it was too much, too soon
3) The Busy Bee, someone who has too many other commitments to make a second date or seems too popular in general during the first date
4) The R U 4 Real, someone who gives a bad impression through electronic communication, either through a confusing message, poor spelling or inexplicable silence
5) The Tailspin, someone who gets so upset about how long it takes a man to call her back, that when he does she acts aloof
I am, unmistakably, a Sadie Hawkins...sigh...sigh...sigh. I do not want to sit on my hands just to let the men have all the fun of the chase! Why must women always make sacrifices of their own happiness for that of men?! (Ok, I fully acknowledge that hyperbolic statement is inaccurate, but let me please artistically express myself.) Sadie Hawkins was a character in a satirical comic of Li'l Abner who literally chased men in a race held by her father for her to find a husband. Modern women are doing more and more on par with men, but it makes me ill when I contemplate letting men chase me and being the object of the chase. I may be incapable of preventing myself from chasing something (anything) I want. The world should be thankful I have not truly wanted the moon!
Men, do you know how hard it is to flirt with a man but then not pursue him? Do you realize that make-up and clothes are our plumage which is flaunted just to catch your eye and make you come a running? (And do you realize how rarely it works?) I have been going to bars looking smashing and yet to find someone who is truly interested in approaching me to ask for my number. Maybe I just have to wear this one red dress that caused quite a stir last summer...hmmm....who cares if it is winter?
Monday, November 15, 2010
Getting my flirt on (again thankfully!)
Last night, I was feeling discouraged. About what? I couldn't quite put my finger on it, so I guess it was about a little of everything. It got worse when a friend asked me online how I have been doing. Like always, I decided to be honest and answered snarkily with "just ok." Being the good friend that he is, he asked me to explain. My litany of minor complaints now seems petty and ridiculous. He covered every one of my woes with a silver lining, and I found myself unable to help seeing the bright side of things. I wouldn't have admitted this then though...I just rolled my eyes and unconvincingly agreed with him.
Before bed I glanced through a few of the dating advice books I had requested from the library. I decided I needed to see what supposed experts had to say, partly to help with my drinking for one experiment and partly because I am actually interested in being a better dater, making fewer mistakes. Some things made my ears perk but my attention flitted away to another book that put me to sleep. I knew I wanted to write about the dating ideas I had read about, but last night I was lacking passion.
Today, when I woke up, I had a totally different attitude. I was surprised to find out that I believed the positive messages from my friend! Before heading to the gym a day later than planned, I decided I wanted to put a little extra effort into my appearance and try one piece of dating advice on for size. The only tidbit that stood out for me from my one glance through the book was the idea that I could meet a man anywhere, anytime and not just in a bar on Friday night. I resolved to look at people around me more, as I kicked myself for forgetting that it is nice to engage with strangers instead of walking past without a thought.
My contacts were a must for a day like this, since I wanted to see all the men even in my periphery. I even brushed my eyebrows into a probably indiscernible different alignment. And then I exited the house in my favorite brown boots to find the makeup I left in the car. I am shocked to hear myself say this, but putting on just the smallest amount of makeup, can really make a girl feel more beautiful and happy with herself! In the car, at red lights, I brushed on some mascara, smacked my girly pink lipstick, and applies a little cover-up.
I strutted into the gym feeling like I got my sexiness back. I swear I caused a small extra pause in a conversation between three men as I walked by and flashed a small smile. I wanted to laugh out loud, but did not want to seem crazy. I soon was in a groovy rhythm on the elliptical machine, still thinking I was looking pretty great with my ponytail swinging. (I am a hot babe out jogging...making sure this stays a 10!) I kept my eyes open and felt this attitude fit me well.
I finished my workout with some back/biceps work but kept it light to go easy on my sore back. One of the assisted chin/dip machines was messed up, so I told the nearest trainer, who was eating a very healthy snack of celery and peanut butter. I had not seen him here before, maybe I should come on Mondays more often...he was definitely attractive. Telling him about the problem ended up being an excellent chance to flirt and it just happened without any effort! It has to be the same feeling an figure skater feels when she lands a triple toe-loop that she has been failing for awhile! To girls have mo-jo? Well, I got it back anyway!
My back pain became a pest and I thought I have to do something about these lower back muscles, but none of the exercise machines conveniently highlighted those muscles in picture form for me. The gym soundtrack includes some plugs to ask trainers for help with learning machines, and this was the perfect opportunity to take them on their offer. I headed to the main desk, but the guy there was talking to some other people and another trainer walked by without asking me if he could help, but then with perfect timing came my celery munching trainer. He spoke first, asking about the rest of my workout, so it was a smooth transition into my question and then into a brief demonstration.
I think I need to continue to go to the gym in Uptown, because the male trainers there are very attractive and there is something about talking about the position of your butt when doing a squat with a man that is quite entertaining to do in public! We talked about the benefits of personal training and the possibility of a special going on now, when his also attractive supervisor came over to give him a new client. This guy was flirtalicious from the start! He just had to engage me, shake my hand and ask my name. His eye contact was addictive. I quite happily allowed myself to be passed off to him to chat about personal training specials.
This dear man really demonstrated supreme patience with me as I hemmed and hawed over the financial cost of this service I have really wanted. To set the record straight, I was not procrastinating just to spend more time with him. In fact, he kept interrupting my serious pondering to show me his iPad or his new Sprint phone that has a kickstand! I couldn't help but laugh at his cute puppy-ness as he played with his new toys. He slowly slipped into an informal manner as we chatted and I got playfully flirty myself! My eyes were sparkling with what must have been real bits of sapphires, and my smile was stretching my face out...he was thoroughly engaging! As I signed up for personal training sessions I hoped I had not been conned by a pretty face, but then again maybe it was worth it to be able to flirt once more.
My flirting for the day was not over, however! Immediately after I left, I entered Kitchen Window to look at knives. A man came to my aide almost like magic, and when I asked if he would talk with me about knives, he humorously replied. We chatted for over an hour about knives and we chopped up some carrots together. Even though he seemed to be gay or not my usual type, I loved talking about his upcoming trip to Italy and mine to Europe. My attitude of openness allowed me to have three gorgeous interactions with men in very everyday situations. I am inspired to think that there really are men all around and if I just open up the definition of my type, I will easily meet more people and continue to enjoy myself! Here, here!
Before bed I glanced through a few of the dating advice books I had requested from the library. I decided I needed to see what supposed experts had to say, partly to help with my drinking for one experiment and partly because I am actually interested in being a better dater, making fewer mistakes. Some things made my ears perk but my attention flitted away to another book that put me to sleep. I knew I wanted to write about the dating ideas I had read about, but last night I was lacking passion.
Today, when I woke up, I had a totally different attitude. I was surprised to find out that I believed the positive messages from my friend! Before heading to the gym a day later than planned, I decided I wanted to put a little extra effort into my appearance and try one piece of dating advice on for size. The only tidbit that stood out for me from my one glance through the book was the idea that I could meet a man anywhere, anytime and not just in a bar on Friday night. I resolved to look at people around me more, as I kicked myself for forgetting that it is nice to engage with strangers instead of walking past without a thought.
My contacts were a must for a day like this, since I wanted to see all the men even in my periphery. I even brushed my eyebrows into a probably indiscernible different alignment. And then I exited the house in my favorite brown boots to find the makeup I left in the car. I am shocked to hear myself say this, but putting on just the smallest amount of makeup, can really make a girl feel more beautiful and happy with herself! In the car, at red lights, I brushed on some mascara, smacked my girly pink lipstick, and applies a little cover-up.
I strutted into the gym feeling like I got my sexiness back. I swear I caused a small extra pause in a conversation between three men as I walked by and flashed a small smile. I wanted to laugh out loud, but did not want to seem crazy. I soon was in a groovy rhythm on the elliptical machine, still thinking I was looking pretty great with my ponytail swinging. (I am a hot babe out jogging...making sure this stays a 10!) I kept my eyes open and felt this attitude fit me well.
I finished my workout with some back/biceps work but kept it light to go easy on my sore back. One of the assisted chin/dip machines was messed up, so I told the nearest trainer, who was eating a very healthy snack of celery and peanut butter. I had not seen him here before, maybe I should come on Mondays more often...he was definitely attractive. Telling him about the problem ended up being an excellent chance to flirt and it just happened without any effort! It has to be the same feeling an figure skater feels when she lands a triple toe-loop that she has been failing for awhile! To girls have mo-jo? Well, I got it back anyway!
My back pain became a pest and I thought I have to do something about these lower back muscles, but none of the exercise machines conveniently highlighted those muscles in picture form for me. The gym soundtrack includes some plugs to ask trainers for help with learning machines, and this was the perfect opportunity to take them on their offer. I headed to the main desk, but the guy there was talking to some other people and another trainer walked by without asking me if he could help, but then with perfect timing came my celery munching trainer. He spoke first, asking about the rest of my workout, so it was a smooth transition into my question and then into a brief demonstration.
I think I need to continue to go to the gym in Uptown, because the male trainers there are very attractive and there is something about talking about the position of your butt when doing a squat with a man that is quite entertaining to do in public! We talked about the benefits of personal training and the possibility of a special going on now, when his also attractive supervisor came over to give him a new client. This guy was flirtalicious from the start! He just had to engage me, shake my hand and ask my name. His eye contact was addictive. I quite happily allowed myself to be passed off to him to chat about personal training specials.
This dear man really demonstrated supreme patience with me as I hemmed and hawed over the financial cost of this service I have really wanted. To set the record straight, I was not procrastinating just to spend more time with him. In fact, he kept interrupting my serious pondering to show me his iPad or his new Sprint phone that has a kickstand! I couldn't help but laugh at his cute puppy-ness as he played with his new toys. He slowly slipped into an informal manner as we chatted and I got playfully flirty myself! My eyes were sparkling with what must have been real bits of sapphires, and my smile was stretching my face out...he was thoroughly engaging! As I signed up for personal training sessions I hoped I had not been conned by a pretty face, but then again maybe it was worth it to be able to flirt once more.
My flirting for the day was not over, however! Immediately after I left, I entered Kitchen Window to look at knives. A man came to my aide almost like magic, and when I asked if he would talk with me about knives, he humorously replied. We chatted for over an hour about knives and we chopped up some carrots together. Even though he seemed to be gay or not my usual type, I loved talking about his upcoming trip to Italy and mine to Europe. My attitude of openness allowed me to have three gorgeous interactions with men in very everyday situations. I am inspired to think that there really are men all around and if I just open up the definition of my type, I will easily meet more people and continue to enjoy myself! Here, here!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Nakedness at Night
Do you ever look at your naked body when you are changing clothes or taking a shower and wonder how you ever thought it was sexy or beautiful? Not that anything has changed, but after being single and chaste for a time, your body does not seem like anything that has done any of what you know it has.
I think many people could agree my body is quite nice, as far as bodies go, but lately I have looked at it in confusion. It is as if I picked up a much loved book and could no longer make out the words. I cannot see sexy when I look at my curvy parts or touch my skin. I am not ashamed to admit that I look at myself naked in the mirror and wonder what anyone could see in my backside.
When I was in Spain and able to swim topless, it was both pleasant and way too matter-of-fact to hear my two male companions talk about my breasts. It had taken me a bit more courage than I had thought would be necessary to strip off my top and actually take the plunge into this European custom. As soon as my top was off and I proceeded to swim out to a buoy with my friend's friend who I had met two days before, he felt it was ok to tell me how nice they were. I almost thought he said something else. Back on the beach my friend himself greeted me with, "they are bigger than they look under your shirt" and I again was taken aback. There was something nice about the openness and bluntness, but thinking back, it seems as if they deconstructed me...and surgically removed the sexiness from my body somewhere in that conversation. Maybe the mystery disappeared because I bared it all!?
Today I was thinking about a friend of mine who has not been romantically involved with anyone for a number of years...and I couldn't help but wonder if, as time goes on, one's mind and body get too comfortable not being sexual that the desire for intimacy fades away. Right now for me, that desire is very faint...and I hope it has not fallen out of reach.
I think many people could agree my body is quite nice, as far as bodies go, but lately I have looked at it in confusion. It is as if I picked up a much loved book and could no longer make out the words. I cannot see sexy when I look at my curvy parts or touch my skin. I am not ashamed to admit that I look at myself naked in the mirror and wonder what anyone could see in my backside.
When I was in Spain and able to swim topless, it was both pleasant and way too matter-of-fact to hear my two male companions talk about my breasts. It had taken me a bit more courage than I had thought would be necessary to strip off my top and actually take the plunge into this European custom. As soon as my top was off and I proceeded to swim out to a buoy with my friend's friend who I had met two days before, he felt it was ok to tell me how nice they were. I almost thought he said something else. Back on the beach my friend himself greeted me with, "they are bigger than they look under your shirt" and I again was taken aback. There was something nice about the openness and bluntness, but thinking back, it seems as if they deconstructed me...and surgically removed the sexiness from my body somewhere in that conversation. Maybe the mystery disappeared because I bared it all!?
Today I was thinking about a friend of mine who has not been romantically involved with anyone for a number of years...and I couldn't help but wonder if, as time goes on, one's mind and body get too comfortable not being sexual that the desire for intimacy fades away. Right now for me, that desire is very faint...and I hope it has not fallen out of reach.
Reflections for a Birthday and Beyond
Yesterday, I turned 27...what an interesting number. I do not feel sad or scared that I am getting older; in fact, being 27 feels sort of like trying on a new piece of clothing! I like the feel so far, and I am glad I bought it. Without the feeling of doom that some people seem to express when they are single on their birthdays, I feel slightly abnormal. I have no grand delusions that there is no hope for me to find happiness or anything in the future. There is no chance I would want to do things any differently, but that does not mean I cannot reflect somewhat on where I am.
As a teenager, I thought I could declare an age when I would get married and another for starting a family. It seemed to easy to be an adult to me as a naive awkward high-schooler. I guess we adults somehow pull off looking like we have it all figured it out, or maybe I was even more gullible back then! I cannot fathom how people just have mid-life crises, when my life seems like a constant stream of internal crises. They have not stopped since puberty! I am always unsure and flailing. Perhaps I am just weird, the goose among all the duck ducks, but I strongly doubt it. My friends all are struggling in their own way, the married ones, the dating ones, the single ones. Everyone is living their own struggle and we all believe the grass is greener somewhere else.
Last night, talking with one of my best friends about her life, I saw how she was caught up in her own feelings about her situation that she could not accurately see how the others involved were feeling. Oh how I know THAT feeling! Overwhelming feelings trump any rationality we may possess, leaving us blinded to everything but how we feel. As I tried to help her see through her frustration and hurt, I whispered to myself to keep my feelings in perspective, to be on the lookout for vicious circles.
I do wish I were in a relationship now though, and have started to wonder if I am not doing enough to meet someone. I will work 50 hours this week once Saturday is over, not including the 5 hours of travel time. Work will tire me out, so I will stay in my tent haven and watched Korean dramas more than I would like. I will wear jeans and a T-shirt most days, with mascara for the only make-up. Where is my effort and interest in other people? What am I doing to meet new people for friendship or more? How do I put myself back in the ring for another round?
My horoscope for this month based on Astrology Zone, says that November will the best month of 2010 for me, and that it brings a rare alignment of planets that will bring me brilliant romantic prospects, beauty changes and new business contracts. That almost seems like pressure for me to have an amazing next few weeks! Maybe it predicts my move to a mouse-free home and maybe some man will come into my life? But I feel something has to happen soon.
I have made a lot of changes lately, hoping to take better care of myself. I am going to the gym three times a week, I have finally managed to start brushing my teeth twice a day and flossing once! I am eating better, cooking more, finding new ways to eat vegetables and grains. I bought two new cookbooks and cannot wait for my new kitchen to try them out. I am still struggling to drink more water every day, but I need to have a goal, right? Also, I am getting out more, wearing contacts and mascara to look a little more attractive...but I do think I need to kick up the gear on that score still.
Over the next few days, I want to figure out what I really want and begin to take steps to find it. I am hopeful that I can enjoy this journey and take many photos to remember all that fun I am going to have!
As a teenager, I thought I could declare an age when I would get married and another for starting a family. It seemed to easy to be an adult to me as a naive awkward high-schooler. I guess we adults somehow pull off looking like we have it all figured it out, or maybe I was even more gullible back then! I cannot fathom how people just have mid-life crises, when my life seems like a constant stream of internal crises. They have not stopped since puberty! I am always unsure and flailing. Perhaps I am just weird, the goose among all the duck ducks, but I strongly doubt it. My friends all are struggling in their own way, the married ones, the dating ones, the single ones. Everyone is living their own struggle and we all believe the grass is greener somewhere else.
Last night, talking with one of my best friends about her life, I saw how she was caught up in her own feelings about her situation that she could not accurately see how the others involved were feeling. Oh how I know THAT feeling! Overwhelming feelings trump any rationality we may possess, leaving us blinded to everything but how we feel. As I tried to help her see through her frustration and hurt, I whispered to myself to keep my feelings in perspective, to be on the lookout for vicious circles.
I do wish I were in a relationship now though, and have started to wonder if I am not doing enough to meet someone. I will work 50 hours this week once Saturday is over, not including the 5 hours of travel time. Work will tire me out, so I will stay in my tent haven and watched Korean dramas more than I would like. I will wear jeans and a T-shirt most days, with mascara for the only make-up. Where is my effort and interest in other people? What am I doing to meet new people for friendship or more? How do I put myself back in the ring for another round?
My horoscope for this month based on Astrology Zone, says that November will the best month of 2010 for me, and that it brings a rare alignment of planets that will bring me brilliant romantic prospects, beauty changes and new business contracts. That almost seems like pressure for me to have an amazing next few weeks! Maybe it predicts my move to a mouse-free home and maybe some man will come into my life? But I feel something has to happen soon.
I have made a lot of changes lately, hoping to take better care of myself. I am going to the gym three times a week, I have finally managed to start brushing my teeth twice a day and flossing once! I am eating better, cooking more, finding new ways to eat vegetables and grains. I bought two new cookbooks and cannot wait for my new kitchen to try them out. I am still struggling to drink more water every day, but I need to have a goal, right? Also, I am getting out more, wearing contacts and mascara to look a little more attractive...but I do think I need to kick up the gear on that score still.
Over the next few days, I want to figure out what I really want and begin to take steps to find it. I am hopeful that I can enjoy this journey and take many photos to remember all that fun I am going to have!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Halloween Weekend's Friday at Cowboy Slim's
I decided I needed to go out again alone, even though I was going out for Halloween the night after. The weather was wonderful and the mice problem at my house was giving me anxiety issues. The hardest part about going out alone is trying to figure out where to go. There are so many different types of places with many different variables to weigh before a decision can be made. I always consider going to a favorite place and sitting alone with a glass of wine, looking nice, but not Uptown nice, before I remember that my favorite places tend to be frequented by a much older or all female crowd. That would not do. All of a sudden, I thought about Cowboy Slim's in Uptown! I have heard about it only, and what I had heard was that it was not classy, not high-end and not very Uptownesque (for being in Uptown). It sounded perfect to me.
Next point to decide, was outfit! I could dress in my Halloween costume, but it was two days before Halloween and that seemed silly, especially going to a country-themed bar seeing as my costume mainly consisted of a man's suit. I had to wear something denim. I also wanted to wear my awesome new brown boots (found at a consignment shop, thank you very much!). My denim skirt would be perfect, but I would need to wear nylons as well, for the minute amount of warmth they provide. My mom recently got some nylons for me at some discounted price...where did I put them? Oh here they are....what they are NAVY!? Navy is not black, but oh well...no one will notice anyway.
After wiggling into my nylons, pulling up the skirt and zipping up my boots, I wondered what top would be best to wear with this...well I should have something else brown...so I pulled a mid-length sleeved brown t-shirt on, and then added my green zipper shirt that I bought in Berlin...I heard somewhere that anything with zippers is hot right now, but I liked it a lot anyway. I did my make-up, making my lips much redder this time because I could, and grabbed my Crown Royal purse.
I had wanted to try to get to the bar late so I could be unbuzzed while all the hot men I hoped to find were already a little buzzed and more likely to hit on me, but I was dead tired. I hate working ten hours on a Friday and then having to work at 9:45 am on Saturday! This work life is cramping my style! So I left my house about 9:15 pm. I found a meter right in front of Heartbreakers that needed only a quarter to get me through until it was no longer enforced...and as I started for Cowboy Slim's I realized Heartbreakers was STILL open...I had to stop in and look for that dress I saw a few weeks ago.
Summer dresses were all clearanced which was perfect, but they were all out of smalls of the dress I wanted. I tried on a medium but found a better style that was cheaper anyway...then I couldn't help myself I also bought a new page-boy hat, a gray one, that would be perfect as it got colder and some $1 lip gloss for tonight. With my purchases stowed in my car and my lips much glossier, I entered Cowboy Slim's.
It is not an attractive bar, but I couldn't tell you why I think so. I looked around and then ordered a drink at the bar. I could believe how inattentive the bartenders were. I ordered the worst gin and tonic I ever had and say down away from everyone to watch people. I watched the bar fill up as I wrote notes. It was quite perfect that I had picked a table right next to the path to the bathrooms, because I got to see all these people up close.
Soon enough the bar was full of people dressed up in a bizarre array of costumes. The tables became a hot commodity and all the extra stools from my table were borrowed by others. Then suddenly I looked up from writing a note about how fake some women looked dressed up to find my table surrounded by Brazilians (three men and one woman. This group of four had decided to sidle up to my table for their own use, and acted as if I was an added bonus for their entertainment. One man began to tell me all about them and ask me all about myself. He told me about their Brazilian roots. He was not attractive.
I had been thinking all night that I must look like an ice queen shooting lasers from her eyes. That would explain all the empty space around me. As soon as this group joined me, I became the way too nice person who talks to everyone, even if I have no desire. I answered the questions less coyly then I like now, and I let him touch me in too friendly a manner! He asked me if I were single, and acted surprised when I said yes. But then he basically warned me away from himself as a bad person to date. How confusing!
I did end up enjoying myself with him and his friend after the others left. This other guy was so outgoing and friendly. He told almost every pretty woman how good she looked and went over to a guy with a head brace screwed into his skull to buy him a drink because he was brave to come out like that. He was a fascinating person and could make me laugh so easily. His friend was not as entertaining. After a horrible T and T (what is wrong with their tonic?!) I was interested in hanging out with them again just for the friend, so when the first guy asked for my phone number I gave it to him...it seemed as if he thought I was hot, but also liked me as a person...so why not?
I left soon after that though because I did not want to drink any more drinks at this place. I left wondering if I had just gotten picked up. Did I accomplish my goal? I have since decided that that did not happen...the guy did not call me and it has been a week. It was close, but not quite a cigar.
Next point to decide, was outfit! I could dress in my Halloween costume, but it was two days before Halloween and that seemed silly, especially going to a country-themed bar seeing as my costume mainly consisted of a man's suit. I had to wear something denim. I also wanted to wear my awesome new brown boots (found at a consignment shop, thank you very much!). My denim skirt would be perfect, but I would need to wear nylons as well, for the minute amount of warmth they provide. My mom recently got some nylons for me at some discounted price...where did I put them? Oh here they are....what they are NAVY!? Navy is not black, but oh well...no one will notice anyway.
After wiggling into my nylons, pulling up the skirt and zipping up my boots, I wondered what top would be best to wear with this...well I should have something else brown...so I pulled a mid-length sleeved brown t-shirt on, and then added my green zipper shirt that I bought in Berlin...I heard somewhere that anything with zippers is hot right now, but I liked it a lot anyway. I did my make-up, making my lips much redder this time because I could, and grabbed my Crown Royal purse.
I had wanted to try to get to the bar late so I could be unbuzzed while all the hot men I hoped to find were already a little buzzed and more likely to hit on me, but I was dead tired. I hate working ten hours on a Friday and then having to work at 9:45 am on Saturday! This work life is cramping my style! So I left my house about 9:15 pm. I found a meter right in front of Heartbreakers that needed only a quarter to get me through until it was no longer enforced...and as I started for Cowboy Slim's I realized Heartbreakers was STILL open...I had to stop in and look for that dress I saw a few weeks ago.
Summer dresses were all clearanced which was perfect, but they were all out of smalls of the dress I wanted. I tried on a medium but found a better style that was cheaper anyway...then I couldn't help myself I also bought a new page-boy hat, a gray one, that would be perfect as it got colder and some $1 lip gloss for tonight. With my purchases stowed in my car and my lips much glossier, I entered Cowboy Slim's.
It is not an attractive bar, but I couldn't tell you why I think so. I looked around and then ordered a drink at the bar. I could believe how inattentive the bartenders were. I ordered the worst gin and tonic I ever had and say down away from everyone to watch people. I watched the bar fill up as I wrote notes. It was quite perfect that I had picked a table right next to the path to the bathrooms, because I got to see all these people up close.
Soon enough the bar was full of people dressed up in a bizarre array of costumes. The tables became a hot commodity and all the extra stools from my table were borrowed by others. Then suddenly I looked up from writing a note about how fake some women looked dressed up to find my table surrounded by Brazilians (three men and one woman. This group of four had decided to sidle up to my table for their own use, and acted as if I was an added bonus for their entertainment. One man began to tell me all about them and ask me all about myself. He told me about their Brazilian roots. He was not attractive.
I had been thinking all night that I must look like an ice queen shooting lasers from her eyes. That would explain all the empty space around me. As soon as this group joined me, I became the way too nice person who talks to everyone, even if I have no desire. I answered the questions less coyly then I like now, and I let him touch me in too friendly a manner! He asked me if I were single, and acted surprised when I said yes. But then he basically warned me away from himself as a bad person to date. How confusing!
I did end up enjoying myself with him and his friend after the others left. This other guy was so outgoing and friendly. He told almost every pretty woman how good she looked and went over to a guy with a head brace screwed into his skull to buy him a drink because he was brave to come out like that. He was a fascinating person and could make me laugh so easily. His friend was not as entertaining. After a horrible T and T (what is wrong with their tonic?!) I was interested in hanging out with them again just for the friend, so when the first guy asked for my phone number I gave it to him...it seemed as if he thought I was hot, but also liked me as a person...so why not?
I left soon after that though because I did not want to drink any more drinks at this place. I left wondering if I had just gotten picked up. Did I accomplish my goal? I have since decided that that did not happen...the guy did not call me and it has been a week. It was close, but not quite a cigar.
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