Reflections for a Birthday and Beyond

Yesterday, I turned 27...what an interesting number.  I do not feel sad or scared that I am getting older; in fact, being 27 feels sort of like trying on a new piece of clothing!  I like the feel so far, and I am glad I bought it.  Without the feeling of doom that some people seem to express when they are single on their birthdays, I feel slightly abnormal.  I have no grand delusions that there is no hope for me to find happiness or anything in the future.  There is no chance I would want to do things any differently, but that does not mean I cannot reflect somewhat on where I am.

As a teenager, I thought I could declare an age when I would get married and another for starting a family.  It seemed to easy to be an adult to me as a naive awkward high-schooler.  I guess we adults somehow pull off looking like we have it all figured it out, or maybe I was even more gullible back then!  I cannot fathom how people just have mid-life crises, when my life seems like a constant stream of internal crises.  They have not stopped since puberty!  I am always unsure and flailing.  Perhaps I am just weird, the goose among all the duck ducks, but I strongly doubt it.  My friends all are struggling in their own way, the married ones, the dating ones, the single ones.  Everyone is living their own struggle and we all believe the grass is greener somewhere else.

Last night, talking with one of my best friends about her life, I saw how she was caught up in her own feelings about her situation that she could not accurately see how the others involved were feeling.  Oh how I know THAT feeling!  Overwhelming feelings trump any rationality we may possess, leaving us blinded to everything but how we feel.  As I tried to help her see through her frustration and hurt, I whispered to myself to keep my feelings in perspective, to be on the lookout for vicious circles.

I do wish I were in a relationship now though, and have started to wonder if I am not doing enough to meet someone.  I will work 50 hours this week once Saturday is over, not including the 5 hours of travel time.  Work will tire me out, so I will stay in my tent haven and watched Korean dramas more than I would like.  I will wear jeans and a T-shirt most days, with mascara for the only make-up.  Where is my effort and interest in other people?  What am I doing to meet new people for friendship or more?  How do I put myself back in the ring for another round?

My horoscope for this month based on Astrology Zone, says that November will the best month of 2010 for me, and that it brings a rare alignment of planets that will bring me brilliant romantic prospects, beauty changes and new business contracts.  That almost seems like pressure for me to have an amazing next few weeks!  Maybe it predicts my move to a mouse-free home and maybe some man will come into my life?  But I feel something has to happen soon.

I have made a lot of changes lately, hoping to take better care of myself.  I am going to the gym three times a week, I have finally managed to start brushing my teeth twice a day and flossing once!  I am eating better, cooking more, finding new ways to eat vegetables and grains.  I bought two new cookbooks and cannot wait for my new kitchen to try them out.  I am still struggling to drink more water every day, but I need to have a goal, right?  Also, I am getting out more, wearing contacts and mascara to look a little more attractive...but I do think I need to kick up the gear on that score still.

Over the next few days, I want to figure out what I really want and begin to take steps to find it.  I am hopeful that I can enjoy this journey and take many photos to remember all that fun I am going to have!