Nakedness at Night

Do you ever look at your naked body when you are changing clothes or taking a shower and wonder how you ever thought it was sexy or beautiful?  Not that anything has changed, but after being single and chaste for a time,  your body does not seem like anything that has done any of what you know it has.

I think many people could agree my body is quite nice, as far as bodies go, but lately I have looked at it in confusion.  It is as if I picked up a much loved book and could no longer make out the words.  I cannot see sexy when I look at my curvy parts or touch my skin.  I am not ashamed to admit that I look at myself naked in the mirror and wonder what anyone could see in my backside.

When I was in Spain and able to swim topless, it was both pleasant and way too matter-of-fact to hear my two male companions talk about my breasts.  It had taken me a bit more courage than I had thought would be necessary to strip off my top and actually take the plunge into this European custom.  As soon as my top was off and I proceeded to swim out to a buoy with my friend's friend who I had met two days before, he felt it was ok to tell me how nice they were.  I almost thought he said something else.  Back on the beach my friend himself greeted me with, "they are bigger than they look under your shirt" and I again was taken aback.  There was something nice about the openness and bluntness, but thinking back, it seems as if they deconstructed me...and surgically removed the sexiness from my body somewhere in that conversation.  Maybe the mystery disappeared because I bared it all!?

Today I was thinking about a friend of mine who has not been romantically involved with anyone for a number of years...and I couldn't help but wonder if, as time goes on, one's mind and body get too comfortable not being sexual that the desire for intimacy fades away.  Right now for me, that desire is very faint...and I hope it has not fallen out of reach.