Today, we often speak about modern women; these are the women who work full-time, pay for meals on dates or at least go dutch, have casual sex like men, co-habitat before marriage, raise children on their own, divorce more than ever, et cetera. We modern women raise our glasses to the feminists who burned their bras for these rights we now possess. Just having these options makes us feel we have accomplished something for woman-kind...but are we selling ourselves short?
For a long time, I have never labeled myself a feminist, partly due to a lack of a satisfying definition for the term. It is one thing to appreciate that women should have equal opportunities as men, but it is very different to assume that women want the same things men do. Women and men are different creatures and each sex has its own strengths and weaknesses. This is fine. It is admirable to know one's own limits and develop one's unique potential. I am not sure women should be celebrating quite yet.
I have long recognized that I get along very well with men as friends. Regardless if they all want to sleep with me or not, we have a lot of fun doing other things as just friends. I have been invited on many guys' nights out and been told I basically am a guy as far as my friends are concerned. This has always made me proud, but thinking about it more, I cannot figure out why it is a matter of pride. I fear I have excelled so well at channeling male energy, that I have forgotten that I really am a woman...I have been living the feminism I always rejected!
Perhaps not all is lost; I am not thinking creatively. Enjoying guys' company or using male energy in the workplace can still be possible, and even rewarding, as long as I ensure there are outlets where my feminine characteristics to shine too. The perfect scene for me to act like a woman is in my relationships with potential suitors and partners. It may be time for a new revolution. I would never advocate for a return to a former time when things were better, because I do not think they were better necessarily. I challenge us to find ways in which women and men can freely utilize both feminine and masculine energy when called for in many different life situations. We have not reached a state of perfection that could be damaged by a little more change.
I will not pretend I know what compels a human to seek out a partner, but can only speak for myself, and then still, not very well. I am simply more alive when I am in love. I want to do more, experience more, give more, create more, be more. How do I find love though? Is it luck or is there some skill to be had?
Many people have their own breed of dating advice which I try to test out and incorporate into my life. As I read about this and talk to friends, I am starting to realize that there has been a lot of dating ritual lost to a time lost to me. I am coming to see that high school dating really gives one a perspective on how to date the right way. Since I dated in a very unconventional manner during high school, I was not able to learn my lessons then. I have gone too far. There is less of an emphasis on sex in high school, but yet it is still present. Dating is not about sex. Sex is about sex, and dating is very different. I have to date as if I am in high school.
But I cannot go back, nor do I want to. I have to evolve from this point forward. I have to learn what boundaries to draw with men as I begin to date them. I have to rediscover my toddler voice that shouts “No!” very clearly. Sex is so easy, dating is seriously hard. I am going to resolve to make some changes to my attitudes about men. A change is in the air and I am standing tall.
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